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Why Control Is Not the Solution for OCD, Anxiety, and Perfectionism

Most people who struggle with OCD, anxiety, or perfectionism are trying incredibly hard to gain control over:

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  • Thoughts and feelings

  • Anxiety and fear

  • Uncertainty

  • Making mistakes

  • Making decisions

  • Failure

  • Outcomes

  • Other people’s reactions

 

And honestly, that makes sense. ​If something feels painful, dangerous, embarrassing, or uncertain, of course the mind wants to control it.

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The problem is that the harder many people try to control their internal experiences, the more trapped they often become.

Shakers_edited.jpg

Control Works Great... Until It Doesn't

In The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism, Dr. Jennifer Kemp explains that many perfectionistic habits develop because they are rewarded in the short term.

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For example:

 

 

The brain learns: “That worked. Do it again.”

 

And so the cycle strengthens.

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This is one reason OCD and perfectionism become so sticky: The behaviors often work temporarily. Just not sustainably.

OCD promises relief via compulsion

OCD Treats Internal Experiences Like Problems to Solve

One of the most important ideas in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is that humans often assume they should be able to control their internal world the same way they control external problems.

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But thoughts and emotions do not behave like light switches.

 

You cannot simply command the brain to:

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  • “Stop being anxious.”

  • “Don’t think about that.”

  • “Start feeling more confident.”

  • “Figure it out.”

  • "Just have good thoughts."

 

Dr. Kemp points out that while people can respond to internal experiences, direct control over thoughts and emotions is often remarkably limited.

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At River City OCD Clinic, we frequently see people of all ages gassed from repeatedly trying to:

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Unfortunately, a brain fueled by perfectionism responds with something like:

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“Not enough. Try harder.”

The More We Fight Thoughts, the Louder They  Become

Try this for a moment:

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Do not think about a pink elephant.

 

Immediately, your brain probably pictured one.

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This illustrates a major problem with thought control:


The more we try not to think or feel something, the more attention we often give it.

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Dr. Kemp explains that efforts to suppress or control unwanted internal experiences frequently make them feel more intense and more frequent.

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This is exactly what many people with OCD and unhelpful perfectionism experience:

 

  • Trying to suppress intrusive thoughts

  • Trying to feel “just right”

  • Trying to eliminate uncertainty

  • Trying to stop anxiety (even though it's already there)

 

Ironically, the struggle itself is what intensifies, strengthens, and maintains this vicious cycle, making it more likely to return again and again in the future.

Avoidance Feels Safer in the Short Term

One reason avoidance becomes so powerful is because it often provides immediate relief. You avoid the trigger. You feel calmer. Your brain says: “Good. We escaped danger.”

 

Evidenced-based treatment approaches for OCD and perfectionism like ACT and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) both recognize an important truth:


Avoidance of internal events may reduce discomfort temporarily, but it subsequently shrinks a person's life long term. 

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A person's repeated attempts to avoid discomfort often creates larger problems over time:

 

  • Persistent fatigue and exhaustion

  • Chronic stress

  • Rigidity in living one's standards

  • Disconnectedness from others

  • Constant fear of failure

  • Reduced fulfillment and life satisfaction

 

Our OCD and perfectionism specialists in Kentucky often explain:

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“The goal is not building a life where discomfort never appears. The goal is living one's values whether or not discomfort appears."

Living values even when it's scary

ACT Asks a Different Question

Most people enter therapy asking: “How do I control this?”

 

ACT gently shifts the question toward:

 

“How do I respond differently to this?”

 

That is a massive difference.

 

ACT helps people practice:

 

 

Dr. Kemp this as learning to “accommodate uncomfortable feelings” rather than constantly trying to eliminate them.

 

That does not mean liking discomfort.

 

It means learning: “I can carry discomfort without organizing my entire life around escaping it.”

Living Meaningfully Does Not Require Emotional Control

One of the hardest lessons in OCD and perfectionism recovery is realizing:

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“I may never fully control what shows up in my mind or body.”

 

But surprisingly, that realization often becomes freeing.

 

People stop waiting for:

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  • Anxiety to disappear

  • Thoughts to feel "just right"

  • Certainty to save the day

  • Total and complete confidence for making decisions

 

Instead, they begin practicing:

 

  • Flexibility when faced with urges to obey rigid standards or rules

  • Courage while confronting fear

  • Willingness to have discomfort as it serves living one's values

  • Self-compassion, not self-criticism

  • Imperfect action

 

Not because fear or distress vanished first.

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But because values became more important than the struggle for control.

Living with pain in the service of values

Image generated using information from Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life by Dr. Steven Hayes

Final Thoughts...

Control is not always the enemy. Humans need structure, routines, planning, and problem-solving.

 

But when life becomes organized around controlling every thought, emotion, sensation, and uncertainty, suffering often grows larger instead of smaller.

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ACT-enhanced ERP teaches something radically different:

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  • Thoughts can exist without control

  • Anxiety can exist without compulsions

  • Uncertainty can exist without endless reassurance-seeking

  • Imperfection can exist without self-destruction

 

And life can still move forward anyway.

Services That Target OCD Using Evidence-Based Approaches are Accessible in Kentucky, Indiana, and Many Locations Today

At River City OCD Clinic, our clinicians specialize in ACT-enhanced ERP for OCD, perfectionism, anxiety disorders, PTSD, and OCD-related disorders. We offer individual therapy, group therapy, telehealth services, and specialized OCD treatment throughout Kentucky and across participating PSYPACT states (learn more by visiting Dr. Street Russell's profile page). Dr. Street Russell also provides professional consultation​ for therapists in need of OCD training.

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